I Spent the Day as a TERF*

*Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist

Here is what happened.

By 2pm I was so morbidly depressed, bitter, and resentful that I was contemplating dismantling everything. It made me realise how utterly gendered everything we do is- right down to how we greet each other. It made me intensely dysphoric not just on my own behalf but on behalf of society. Let’s do away with gender- what serious purpose does it serve other than to put us in cages?

I began thinking of myself merely as a hyper-masculine woman. I felt a strange twinge at literally any gendered label of any nature that was placed on me. I began to contemplate that society had made me hate my body for no reason other than that I didn’t fit into misogynistic gendered expectations. I felt resentful at that and also resentful that at being unable to be myself I had also not been allowed to express any femininity I had (deep down somewhere) because any time I did was a “ha, gotcha” moment for those wanting to uphold those gender expectations.

All of this is a fiction- it was a thought experiment for a reason. I will, often at my peril, try anything at least once. Trying to contort truth to fit an ideology is a depressing spiralling road to hell. These things are far more biologically grounded than we think. Men are on average more masculine and women are on average more feminine and it is for this reason that we will never do away with gender for the sake of the 1% of transsexuals that exist in our midst or the equally small number of ideologically motivated TERFs. Gender serves us and it serves us well- the statistical outliers need to find a way to navigate that without being ostracised instead of working to dismantle the systems that serve 99% of people quite well. People do not enslave themselves enmass, at least not to the extent that this TERF line of thinking took me. Minority groups are often enslaved by societal norms that by and large work. You don’t create societal norms around statistical outliers. You allow minorities to exist, to live out their authentic being and to do so without being socially ostracised- because we are unfortunately still quite tribal.

I think the traditionalists imagine that if they get me to detransition that I will become a wholesome feminine woman, sweet and demure who smiles at my imaginary husband as he explains the differences between men and women. Unfortunately, I have an inherent nature for which it is not so easy to bend and contort myself. What would instead happen is I would be bitter and resentful at being trapped in a cage- I would still hate my body and have no way out of it. I do not think gender is entirely socially constructed, precisely because I am transsexual. I was not a particularly rebellious child, I’m actually not particularly rebellious in nature- if I had been a mouldable sponge I would have been a very feminine woman. What I am is someone with an innate nature who would have to suffer terribly in order to bend that nature to fit in to the world. This has lead to my belief that these things are, at least in part but most likely in large part, biological in nature- which is scientifically founded more and more with each passing day.

It is not, as some imagine, that I joined a cabal of left-wing intersectional feminists in the early 2010s and was twisted into thinking I was really a man. I did not bend myself into manhood or masculinity. I freed myself from various prior constraints. Whenever I try bend and contort myself into womanhood again I am reminded of why I was left-wing to begin with. I loved freedom- and my love of freedom, ultimately red-pilled me as it inevitably would. So few people genuinely love freedom and want it for everyone- for themselves yes but other people they want to control. I have no such desires- they remind me too much of the constraints that were placed on me.

At Christmas time I must reiterate the most important message that I have learnt from Christ- you don’t get to do to them what they did to you, that is not how this works. You will not get away with that. That leads to a constant back and forth struggle for power. Put down your swords, turn them into plough-shares. Don’t just say it angrily to the “other side”- do it yourself.

Let men be masculine, let women be feminine, if they so desire. Let the rest of us find a way to plough through without resentment building up, taking over and seeking to burn everything to the ground so we can start over. It isn’t very Burkean for one thing.

About rhysmckavblog

"He went like one that hath been stunned and is of sense forlorn, a sadder and a wiser man, he rose the morrow morn." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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